“I know.”
“I love him.”
I took her hand.
“Then promise me something.”
“What?”
“Don’t marry him because you’re trying to replace something he’s lost.”
“I won’t.”
“And don’t refuse to marry him just because tonight scared everybody.”
She smiled slightly.
“So what are you telling me?”
“That it’s your life.”
Patrick immediately objected.
“Jess, they’ve known each other for three months.”
I looked at him.
“And they’re the ones who have to decide whether three months is enough.”
“I’m her father.”
“And I’m her mother.”
I shook my head.
“Neither title makes the marriage ours.”
Alice watched me carefully.
“Ask the difficult questions,” I told her. “See each other tired. Angry. Disappointed. Find out how you handle money. Family. Silence. Bad days. Find out what remains when everything stops being new.”
She nodded.
“But after that?”
“Choose.”
Patrick didn’t look convinced.
But perhaps, after everything we’d just learned about his own past, he understood why I wasn’t going to make Alice’s choice for her.
Then I turned toward him.
“You were allowed to have a past.”
His face tightened.
“Jess.”
“You were allowed to love Lana.”
He looked down.
“You were allowed to be twenty-two and frightened.”
I paused.
“You were even allowed to make a terrible decision.”
His eyes returned to mine.
“What hurts isn’t that you failed her.”
“Then what?”
“That you decided I couldn’t know about it.”
“I was ashamed.”
“I understand.”
“No, I don’t think you do.”
He looked at me.
“I thought if you knew how I’d treated someone I claimed to love, you’d see me differently.”
“I do see you differently.”
That hurt him.
I could tell.
But I wasn’t taking it back.
“Not because you loved somebody before me. Not because you were engaged.”
“Then why?”
“Because you decided which version of yourself I was allowed to know.”
The room went silent.
“I married the man you became, Patrick. I never expected you to arrive without a past.”
His eyes filled.
“I should’ve told you.”
“Yes.”
“Can we fix this?”
I thought carefully before answering.
“I think so.”
He nodded.
“But?”
“But we’re not pretending one conversation fixes twenty years of hiding something.”
